Winnie had conventional parents. In fact, they attended conventions all the time. It was at an Amway Convention that they abandoned her. Luckily she was come upon and taken in by a band of radical lesbian tupperware ladies who raised her as one of their own pups. Winnie learned their ways, romping and tumbling with the other tupperlings of the herd, until they lay in a satisfied pile, smiling and burping (their tupperware).
After a brief career as a governess for impressionable young children, Winnie moved into the performance world as a roadie for a heavy metal klezmer band (a period about which she will not willingly speak). Bitten now by the show business bug and with her youth solidly behind her, she waited for her opportunity and pounced upon it with gusto upon meeting the other girlz who were to become The Kinsey Sicks. It took several years for Winnie to get her chops, which she then immediately broiled and served to the audience on a bed of radicchio with garlic mashed potatoes and a horseradish coulis -- a feat that dazzled fans and critics alike.
Winnie sees herself as an old-fashioned girl, and yearns for the days before the Great Vowel Shift. For relaxation, she enjoys mah jongg, macrame and alphabetizing her recipes. Winnie briefly headed up a lesbian separatist clogger troupe, but found it too arduous to clean the footprints off her antique dhurrie rugs. Winnie is currently awaiting publication of her new Passover cookbook entitled I Can't Believe It's Not Chometz! The book's signature recipe is featured below:
WINNIE'S TEX-MEX MATZAH BREI!
- Soak 3 pieces of matzah, crumbled, in milk for 10 minutes. Drain the milk and squeeze more liquid out with a paper towel. Set the softened matzah aside.
- Finely chop a half of a red bell pepper and 2 scallions and saute briefly.
- Mix 8 eggs. Add 1/2 cup of grated parmesan cheese, and salt, pepper and dried parsley to taste. Add matzah, peppers and scallions.
- Saute together in a frying pan. You may scramble it or, if you have an iron skillet, you can saute it over an extremely low flame and then put in the broiler for no more than 30 seconds in order to make the matzah brei more of a frittata.
- Serve with salsa, sour cream, warm tortillas (during Passover substitute a plate of matzah) and corn on the cob (during Passover substitute a plate of matzah). A shtikl avocado would be nice too.
Although Rachel's parents told her that she was born in a manger, the truth is that she was conceived in one. Nonetheless, she was born with mange, which is good enough for her.
Ben and Rachel have always enjoyed a close and symbionese relationship. Ben's decision to attend Harvard Law School was a great source of humiliation for his parents, who always craved the prestige and financial security of drag a cappella singing for their son. After watching Ben feign respectability as the first lawyer in the USA to work full-time on HIV-related impact litigation, and later as an appointee of President Bill Clinton, Rachel grew impatient and seized the reins.
Rachel caught her first break in show business as a masseuse for John Travolta. With John's help, and the assistance of a legally-binding confidentiality agreement, Rachel landed a starring role in the national tour of Two Girls One Cup: The Musical, with co-star Ann Coulter. Now that she is with The Kinsey Sicks, Rachel has gone viral, but she is taking acyclovir. Rachel will soon be the host of a new tv show, Pole Dancing with the Stars, on Fox.
Like Ben, Rachel is an activist. She is the founder and director of the militant animal rights group, Free the Scabies. She is widely sought after for her inspirational lectures on topics such as "Desperation: An Underrated Tool in Dating" and "Eat Me: You Bring the Spoon."
Rachel wishes to extend her love and gratitude to anyone who will have sex with her.
Not much is known about Trixie's early life, and frankly she prefers it that way. Although she has enjoyed a multifaceted career as a gorgeous Caucasian-American, a really gorgeous African-American, and a somewhat unbelievably gorgeous Asian-American, Trixie has never allowed the complexity and depth of her character or her racial reassignment surgery come between her and her many admirers.
In addition to the considerable vocal and visual talents that she brings to The Kinsey Sicks, Trixie enjoys a reputation as a shrewd business person (she owns a chain of Las Vegas wedding chapels as well as numerous drive-thru divorce courts). An avid fitness fan, Trixie has produced and starred in several award-winning workout videos including Tae-Bo in Taffeta and I'd Run a Mile for a Martini. Incredibly, she has also found time in her busy schedule to develop a signature line of cosmetics Spackletacular! (available at finer department and hardware stores everywhere).
During her rare moments of leisure, Trixie can be found at Tiffany and Bergdorf's in the company of handsome (and generous) gentlemen. She has never married, and is addressed simply as "Trixie". As she has reminded her less glamourous Kinsey colleagues, great ladies of the stage and screen (Beyonce, Madonna, Lassie) find surnames superfluous.
Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee and hitting every rock on the way down, Trampolina fell into show business by accident. Well, by an accident.
At age four, she was already an accomplished comedienne with her sister Benzadrina in a duo team called Ham & Cheese. During one fateful performance, Benzadrina fell asleep doing a tightrope act with a baby grand piano. Fortunately for the piano, Trampy happened to be underneath it all to break the piano's fall. And her leg. While recovering in the hospital and trying to remember who she was, Trampolina began humming the tune the piano made when it crashed. It was then and there she discovered a passion for music.
When she's not touring with The Kinsey Sicks and carrying all nine pieces of Trixie's luggage, Trampolina spends most of her days in a trailer park outside of Belton, Missouri waiting for Maury Povich to call her and tell her she IS the mother of a bastard child she conceived one spring break in Cancun.